Dean’s Pants

I’ve had more experience than I want sampling different headsets for the iPhone. Here’s what I’ve learned.

What I want out of my headset:

• an inline microphone
• a play/pause button
• earbuds that fit in my ears
• the ability to hear podcasts and music over traffic, trains, and people in New York City
• the ability to hear the lower registers clearly
• sound isolation so I can keep the volume low enough that I’m not doing long-term damage to my hearing

Apple stock earbuds

The Good:

• (Obviously) They use all the required features.

The Bad:

• They don’t fit in my ears, and while they only initially fell out very often, I must still adjust their fit in my ears constantly.
• If I want to guarantee a clear sound while walking under running, elevated subway trains (which I do every day) or sitting in a subway train when it’s running especially fast (which my train does under the East River), I have to turn up the volume way too loud. I also have consistent problems hearing people while using the phone.
• Even while keeping the volume at a more reasonable level, I’m sure it’s still too loud and worry about long-term hearing problems.
• I have to use the “Bass Booster” equalizer setting to hear lower frequencies.

V-Moda Vibe Duo

The Good:

• These have excellent sound isolation. Outside sounds are muffled, and I can hear whatever is playing clearly and without the volume up too high.
• Bass sounds excellent.
• The in-ear earbuds fit my ears really well and don’t hurt after extended use.

The Bad:

• At $100, they’re a tad pricey.
• I can’t hear myself when speaking when on the phone without pulling out an earbud, but I can live with it.
• Callers complain that they can’t hear me well.
• I’ve owned three pairs of these, and every single pair has failed after less than two months due to a short in the wiring. This might be a deal-killer if there were a better pair.

Etymotic hf2

The Good:

• They fit relatively well. While I found myself adjusting the earbuds pretty often, I think I may have adjusted to them after a few days.
• Outside sound is isolated very well. I could hear at a very reasonable volume.

The Bad:

• At over $175, these are definitely too expensive to be imperfect.
• Where’s the bass? These probably work great in a studio. They give true-to-life sound. The problem is, when I’m on the train or under a running train, true-to-life sound doesn’t cut it. I need extra bass.
• I didn’t own them long enough to test the mic; I returned them the next day.

Shure Adapter

This isn’t actually a set of headphones but an adapter. It provides a mic/button/input jack for your favorite pair of headphones with a standard jack.

The Good:

• Use whatever headphones you like!

The Bad:

• The cord is something like four feet long. Add that to the two-foot cord on the Sony Fontopias I bought to go with it, and you have a cord that falls around my knees. The mic is at about pocket level, which doesn’t do me much good.

Conclusion

The market for an iPhone headset is still wide open. For the love of Zeus, SOMEONE PLEASE FILL THIS MARKET VOID!

Dear Apple,

Your stock iPhone headphones suck really hard.

I live in New York City. You might know it. It’s that place where people walk, loud noises happen, and tons of people love your products. Every day I walk to and from the train. Your headphones do not stay in my ears during this activity, apparently rare every else, except with some precision placement worthy of a champion Jenga player. Every day I walk under an elevated train to the coffee shop and ride trains that produce what some may know as “loud noise”. I love that nifty control button on the mic because I have to use it during these occasions to pause the audio, lest I miss several minutes of “Buzz Out Loud” or “TWiT” or “Science Friday”. In case you’re unaware, those are podcasts that you syndicate on your iTunes Store. Podcasts. Things you listen to. On the go. On your iPhone. In your ears.

These V-MODA headphones you offer are not an acceptable alternative. You remember that control button on the mic? They don’t have one. I think I may have use for that pause button since I can’t pause audio without unlocking the iPhone otherwise. I recommend you ban V-MODA from your store because of their inability to sell decent after-market products.

And these? Really? Do I really need to buy two things to listen to audio on the iPhone? And do I really need to use a clip to position the mic near my mouth? Please also ban Shure.

I not only come to you with criticism but with a solution! What is this miracle of ingenuity? This innovative new thinking? You know those other headphones you sold for the iPod? Yeah, those. Uhm, why not sell those for the iPhone with the same fancy mic and control button? Genius. I know you never thought of it because it’s been two months since I bought my iPhone and they’re not out yet. Therefore, I must be the first person in the universe to have this idea. You’re lucky to have me on your team, guys.

Sincerely,

Dean and His Pants

I bought an iPhone. You’re surprised? Seriously? You don’t know me at all.

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