Dean’s Pants

Dear Apple,

Your stock iPhone headphones suck really hard.

I live in New York City. You might know it. It’s that place where people walk, loud noises happen, and tons of people love your products. Every day I walk to and from the train. Your headphones do not stay in my ears during this activity, apparently rare every else, except with some precision placement worthy of a champion Jenga player. Every day I walk under an elevated train to the coffee shop and ride trains that produce what some may know as “loud noise”. I love that nifty control button on the mic because I have to use it during these occasions to pause the audio, lest I miss several minutes of “Buzz Out Loud” or “TWiT” or “Science Friday”. In case you’re unaware, those are podcasts that you syndicate on your iTunes Store. Podcasts. Things you listen to. On the go. On your iPhone. In your ears.

These V-MODA headphones you offer are not an acceptable alternative. You remember that control button on the mic? They don’t have one. I think I may have use for that pause button since I can’t pause audio without unlocking the iPhone otherwise. I recommend you ban V-MODA from your store because of their inability to sell decent after-market products.

And these? Really? Do I really need to buy two things to listen to audio on the iPhone? And do I really need to use a clip to position the mic near my mouth? Please also ban Shure.

I not only come to you with criticism but with a solution! What is this miracle of ingenuity? This innovative new thinking? You know those other headphones you sold for the iPod? Yeah, those. Uhm, why not sell those for the iPhone with the same fancy mic and control button? Genius. I know you never thought of it because it’s been two months since I bought my iPhone and they’re not out yet. Therefore, I must be the first person in the universe to have this idea. You’re lucky to have me on your team, guys.

Sincerely,

Dean and His Pants